Exam Nerves

People are staring at me, would like to hear me. And I can’t get a word out of my mouth. Do I really want that? Or ought I search for an alternative? Am I good enough? Am I able do succeed? This exam will decide my future! I can’t fail, am not ALLOWED to fail.

Written exams are OK. If I have studied enough, I can just write down the answers, don’t have to look into anyone’s eyes and can go, whenever I am finished. Or can skip a question, when I don’t have a clue – and nobody notices.
But oral exams, two to three people are looking at me, like to calm me down, get all the knowledge out of my mouth. That’s how it feels like for me. You can see the immediate reaction to the answer in their faces, just a few people I can’t read. You get insecure, start stuttering, drink a sip of water to calm down. It’s all right again and after 20min the exam is over.

I am glad, that the only oral exam this semester is Spanish. I already had a one-to-one lesson with this teacher, the exam will be good. And I know Spanish. But would it be an examination for a certificate, I would scream, run in circles and would get crazy – inside of course. Outside I am calm.

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Time

Since Wednesday I am finished with all of my exams for this semester and it is a really weird feeling. During the semester I always had something to do, mostly learning one of the languages I started learning with either grammar, vocabulary or signs. It was so integrated into my daily life, that I preferred to learn new words rather watching a film.

After I got tested in the languages, I had to study for the other exams. Additionally I worked and kept up all my free time activities, to have breaks from learning. But now, after the last exam on Wednesday, I hadn’t had anything to study for, neither had I to work and I literally hadn’t had to do anything and I was so confused by not knowing what to do.

I tried to watch a film, but after 20 minutes I got bored and wanted to do something more useful. I was lucky and my flat mate asked me, if I wanted to join her for a round of climbing. But if she wouldn’t have asked, I still wouldn’t know, what to do.

Slowly, after two days of adjusting, I come up with my own ideas of what I could do this day. I started to read again and the number of unread books is getting less. I have time to play the guitar again, which is pretty awesome. And I invested a lot of time to plan the next two months, of which I won’t be in Germany for four weeks. The summer is going to be exciting =).