Exam Nerves

People are staring at me, would like to hear me. And I can’t get a word out of my mouth. Do I really want that? Or ought I search for an alternative? Am I good enough? Am I able do succeed? This exam will decide my future! I can’t fail, am not ALLOWED to fail.

Written exams are OK. If I have studied enough, I can just write down the answers, don’t have to look into anyone’s eyes and can go, whenever I am finished. Or can skip a question, when I don’t have a clue – and nobody notices.
But oral exams, two to three people are looking at me, like to calm me down, get all the knowledge out of my mouth. That’s how it feels like for me. You can see the immediate reaction to the answer in their faces, just a few people I can’t read. You get insecure, start stuttering, drink a sip of water to calm down. It’s all right again and after 20min the exam is over.

I am glad, that the only oral exam this semester is Spanish. I already had a one-to-one lesson with this teacher, the exam will be good. And I know Spanish. But would it be an examination for a certificate, I would scream, run in circles and would get crazy – inside of course. Outside I am calm.

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Future?

It’s semester break. After seven semesters most classmates have now finished their studies and had their last exam. The last time the lights were turned off and a last time they went outside.
The questions: What happens now? And where do you see yourself in 10 years? keep running around in their minds.

To be honest, I had no idea and still have no idea, about what is going to happen. 10 years is a long time. 10 years ago I only hoped to get into the same class as my to this time best friend (it didn’t happen). That I would do an exchange year and study, what I am studying right now, never even crossed my mind.

So, how am I supposed to know now, where I am going to be in 10 years? I didn’t get wiser. I don’t really started the family plan and neither the plan about my career. I’d like to be happy with my life and support all decisions, I ever made –  may it be good ones or bad ones. Some day I want to tell my grandchildren with bright eyes about my adventures.

I am exited, to get to know, where I will be in 10 years. What I am doing, how I decided in the question: Masters or travelling? I still have half a year of studies left, then I may call myself engineer. And then? – I’m going to keep you updated.